You're prepared to meet your life partner– but so far, you've been attracting insecure men who lack confidence and reliability. In today's blog post, I'll be providing you with guidance on how to address this situation at the root cause.
My name is Nathallie Hughes, I'm a life, mindset, and manifestation coach who uses her platform and business to support professional women as they build the emotionally fulfilled, purpose driven lives they were created to lead. If you're an ambitious woman who wants to gain recognition within her industry, live an amazing love story, and experience an income that matches her impact... you're in the right place.
In your relationships, you've had the situation where you know the guy is interested but he just... doesn't show up. He says things like, "I can't do this" and "I'm not ready for anything serious." If you're attracting professional men, which you probably are as members of my community, then you're probably having an experience where the men treat dating you like a serious responsibility that they just don't have the resources to manage, yet. Maybe they want to make more money first. Or you're more successful than they are, and they feel intimiated by that because they can't take care of you financially... or they just don't know how to take care of a woman outside of providing for her financially. Either way, you're having an experience where the connections seem great: you like who they are as people, and you could see things being long term with them; but at the end of the day... they're not showing up ready for that commitment. They're just "not ready".
And it would be one thing if you were just attracting one guy, one time who wasn't ready. But it's another thing entirely when you're attracting guy after guy who always has something going on... where there's always some huge drama or lack in his life that prevents him from showing up and comitting to you the way that you want him to. And the reason why you're attracting the guy who just isn't ready... is because of your father.
I realized it recently as this wound was triggered for me. And as I looked back at the memories from my life, I realized that I wasn't close to my father. And he never tried to be close to me. He put in effor to be in my mother's life. My mother and father used me as a pawn in their relationship for years. My father claimed that he wanted to be in my life to be a good dad and have a happy family life together, just the three of us. But those dreams faded quickly after he'd move in. He wasn't actually interested in being a father. He wasn't interested in knowing me as a person. He wasn't invested in supporting me and my dreams. He wasn't responsive to my needs– hell, he wasn't even aware of my needs. He didn't take care of me. He wasn't someone I ever respected or had the desire to listen to at all. I had a growing disdain for him over the course of my adolescence.
Looking back at my childhood experience, and my father's behavior, as an adult... I can see that he was an insecure man. He was an insecure man who didn't take responsibility for his own life. He didn't put in the effort to actually better his own life or be a better man for his children. He didn't show up; and the women in my life made it seem like that was just how he was. I remember an experience where my two older sisters were telling me about my father. They were trying to comfort me, saving from the heartbreak of abandonment, in a way. They were saying that my dad loved me but that sometimes he wouldn't show up. And then, there was the way that my mother spoke about my father: she painted him as a selfish man who didn't truly love her. She painted him as a man who only wanted to use her for money or a place to stay, even.
None of the women in my life ever spoke about him as a man who refused to grow up. They made excuses or talked shit about him... but they never really talked about the fact that at any given moment in time, he could have chosen to be a better man. They didn't expect him to show up. They expected him to be neglectful. And he was.
My father was an insecure man that neglected himself and the people around him. My father was irresponsible, and he was avoidant of any real depth in the relationship with me. He didn't treat me like a person with worth. And you know my definition of self worth, right? Self worth is when you know that you are an important, significant person who matters and belongs. My father did not treat me like an important, significant person who mattered and belonged in his life. I was a great opporutnity to get closer to my mother. I remember the time I was in my early teens and I was crying in the back seat of the car while my parents made fun of me in the front seats. He mimiced the sounds I was making as I cried and he and my mother laughed like my pain was the funniest thing in the world.
My father was a man who didn't love me. And, through his behaviors, he taught me what to expect from the rest of the men in the world. I have been treated like shit by many men in my life... and every negative experience with a man can be reflected in an experience I've had with my own father. I actually spent so much time pushing him out of my energy and mind that I didn't realize that it was his behaviors being reflected back to me. What I've realized most recently is that those experiences of men ignoring me completely because they just refused to do the inner work and take emotional responsibility of me can easily be traced back... to the way my father behaved.
My father was a man who didn't love me... although he would tell you that he did. He was a man who didn't have a father that loved him. And he was surrouned by women who made excuses for him and who didn't hold him to any standard of excellence because he was the youngest child and the only boy in his family and that just spread out into the rest of his experiences in the world. He died with nothing. No assets for us to inherit. No wife to handle funeral arrangements. No children that he had truly served to become women purposefully living on the leading edge of creation by sharing their gifts with the world. He died with no meaningful legacy. Just fun stories and memories with people who he never truly had to care for.
My father was a man who didn't love me... and by not being responsible, supportive, communicative, open, vulnerable, or comitted to being a great father... he taught me to expect that experience from men.
And that's my point. Through your father's actions, he was communicating to you what you were worth and how you should expect to be treated. You want to know why you keep attracting the guy who is looking for every reason under the sun not to be deeply involved with you? You want to know why you keep attracting the man who just isn't ready to give you to committment you're looking for? You want to know why you keep attracting the man who is emotionally avoidant and disinterested in being the best man he can for you?
Look to your father.
Journal on this: What did your father teach you with his behavior? And what did you learn to expect from men as a consequence of that?
Pause this episode (stop reading the blog) and answer that question. What you have written down is what you need to heal. Congratulations. Finding out what needs to be shifted is the hardest part.
As far as my answer? Well, with his behavior, my father taugh me that men are cruel, distant, sadistic, irresponsible, and disinterested in who I truly am as a person. He taught me to expect men not to show up. He taught me to expect men to be unwilling to do the work needed to take care of me. He taught me to expect men to run away and hide from their responsibilities, especially if the responsibility includes taking care of me emotionally.
Now, that you know what needs to be shifted, it's time to get to work. As long as those experiences go unhealed within you, you will continue to attract men that don't show up. You will subconsciously seek out men that abandon you because you're telling a story that has no choice but to play itself out. You will continue to expect that unsupportive behavior from men, no matter how unwanted it may be, until you begin to delibarelty build out a belief system that supports you in your romantic life.
Right now, you're attracting unwanted men on autopilot. And You have to manually override your subconscious mind which has spent your entire life telling the story that men are irresposinsble, distant, and avoidant. That's the work that we're doing inside of the Love After Loss course. This life-changing program is the professional woman's guide to processing the pain of the past, opening up to love after heartbreak; and manifesting your soulmate. It's only when you build out a belief system that says men are responsible, supportive, communicative, open, vulnerable, and comitted to showing up for you... that you will be able to receive the man that God has created to love you. Until you do the work, you will continue pushing him away, with your free will.
During Module 2 of the course, you will completely shift whatever it is that you wrote down in your journal today because that's where you will:
❤️🔥 Address, heal, and shift the father wound(s) that taught you it was unsafe to trust, depend on, or be loved by a man.
❤️🔥 Address, heal, and shift the father wound(s) that taught you to believe that men don’t want to take care of you, or meet your emotional, physical, financial, or spiritual needs.
The truth is that men want to show up for you. The truth is that your soulmate is the kind of man that shows up. He's the kind of man that puts in the work to be there for you because he wants this love just as much as you do. Do you believe that, yet?
The Love After Loss course is where you learn how to believe and receive the love that you were made for. I believe that it's a part of your purpose to unite with your love. And I would love to support you two on your journey together. You can learn more, read testimonials, and enroll by clicking here or at the button below.
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