Recently, I have been overcoming fears left and right.
This excites me like nothing else because new fears and freak outs means I'm going higher than I've ever gone before.
We'll talk about some of those fears today. And trust me when I say... this is sure to be a fun, inspiring, and insightful read.
Let's jump right in: I developed a fear of having a brain aneurysm.
Years ago, I was learning to read tarot; and I found this website that was made to help you learn how to interpret the combinations of the cards. In the beginning of my journey, I was someone who was constantly seeking external answers. Before I left college, I was pulling oracle cards and getting readings from other people.
Will this work? Will I be successful? Can I actually do this?
I was freaking out. and scared. and I knew in my heart that college wasn't for me. I knew in my heart that I had to get out of that toxic environment, and away from those people who didn't wish me any good.
At that time, I was really open to everyone's advice... I didn't understand that everything wasn't for me.
I didn't understand that we are all living our lives according to our own assumptions and beliefs. I didn't know that we were all creating our realities based on the beliefs we created as a consequence of our childhood experience.
I thought what I was taught... even though I was always a rebel in my own right. I thought that you were supposed to believe the person "in charge". I thought that you were supposed to believe the person who spoke with authority.
I realize now that you are the greatest, and only, authority in your life. And everyone else gets to be questioned. Always.
So, back to the story. The interpretations on this site were not for me. I would pull cards, and then look up the combinations of them. I was still learning tarot, and I wanted to know what each card meant and how to put two and two together. This site was very different from my own tarot reading course which focusses on teaching you to trust your own interpretation. Oh. I might put that up for sale next. 👀
Anyway, some of the interpretations were helpful. Others were not. The interpretations were often bleak. They spoke of betrayal and heartbreak. This guy was not going to keep his promises to me. Things would not go my way. But then they would go my way. And things would be okay in the end.
The messages would go back and forth and up and down and all around. And this is how tarot can be dangerous. Don't worry, I'm not about to go all Doreen Virtue on you and denounce tarot lmao. But my point is that anything you give the power of your future away to can be dangerous. And that's part of the reason that I ended up with this hypochondriac fear.
One of the lines for one of the readings talked about a sudden aneurysm. There were interpretations about car accidents and a whole bunch of other stuff.
And... it resonated.
Not with my soul. But with my fear.
It is so important to have a practice where you are checking into how you feel (and naming your emotions) because the more sensitive you become, the easier it is for you to decipher between your fears and your inner being.
Just because something creates an emotional response within you doesn't mean that it's your story. Just because something makes you feel strongly doesn't mean that you're being called in that direction.
So what happened? My fears of failure hooked into that one-liner. And it became a new fear. What if I have an aneurysm? What if I die?
How does this relate to leveling up? I'll tell you.
Your brain's job is to keep you safe. Your brain wants to stay where you are. Your brain wants to stay broke. Your brain wants to stay single. Your brain wants to stay rejected and outcast and neglected.
Not because your brain hates you. But because your brain loves you.
In other words, your brain is totally pulling a "Mother Knows Best" on your ass. If you're not familiar with Disney's Tangled, give the song a listen here.
Your brain doesn't want you to suffer... but at the same time your brain knows how to survive your current suffering.
Your brain knows how to run away when the people at the office attack you. Your brain knows how to shut down and walk away when the guy ghosts you. Your brain knows how to say sorry and keep going back after the guy lets you down. Your brain knows how to ignore the bills that are piling up and sit with dread as you worry about what's going to happen if they don't get paid. Your brain knows how to navigate the current cycle of fires coming up in your life... and then having them eventually get extinguished– only for another fire to pop up soon after.
Your brain knows how to survive your current suffering. You might not enjoy your life being single and wishing you had someone to hold you at night... or not having enough money to travel and pay your bills and afford high quality clothes all at the same time... but your brain knows how to navigate that world.
So when you decide to change things up... when you decide to level up. What happens?
Your. brain. freaks. the. fuck. out.
Because what do you mean?
What do you mean you want more money than you know what do with? What do you mean you want a higher position that you've never performed in before? What do you mean that you want more sales? I don't know how to be rich? I don't know how to make money doing what I love? I only know how to work a 9-5 and make minimum wage. I only know financial struggle. I only know bare minimum. I only know going on vacations sometimes. I only know how to shop for sales and deals and bargains.
What do you mean you want to date a man who is interested in who you are as a person? What do you mean you want to be pursued? What do you mean you want to be in a relationship with the love of your life, for the rest of your life? I don't know how to be pursued. I don't know how to be courted and loved. I only know lack. I only know neglect. That's not safe.
You brain freaks the fuck out. Because what you want is unfamiliar. In other words... what you want is not safe.
Well, it is safe. Technically, you were born for your desires and you were made to grow and expand. You're a human being living on the leading edge of creation who has come here to live out their every dream, desire, and wish.
But your brain doesn't know that. Your nervous system doesn't know that.
So what happens? You decide to go bigger. You decide to do something that you've never done before.
And here come the fears.
What if you have a brain aneurysm? What if you're having a brain aneurysm right now and you don't know it? And your life is already ruined? And you're never going to make it to where you want to be in life?
What if you're choosing the wrong guy? You did that last time. You totally did that last time.
What if no one buys it?
What if people can't afford to pay you that much?
What if no one wants it? What if no one is interested?
What if you can't afford to pay your taxes on this? What if you mismange this?
What if you screw it all up? What if you do so good, and people start expecting something from you that you can't maintain?
What if you can't keep performing well? What if they desert you? What if they unfollow? What if they never buy again after you've made this mistake?
What if you never get hired for another project? What if what they said ruined your reputation? What if you'll never be able to rise up from this? You should quit while you're ahead. Here, focus on something else other than your dream. It's okay.
What if you can't trust him? What if he's a narcissist and he's just love bombing you? He doesn't care about you. You're delusional.
And the next thing you know...
You're afraid. Of your own shadow. Of failure. Of losing everything (including your freedom, your dream, and even your life).
I'm being funny with the gifs, but this is absolutely a serious matter.
The other day, I had a breakdown. Full on tears. Full on worry. Full on panic. I had a headache for the whole day. Pounding. Like a heartbeat in my brain.
I had to stay off my phone and avoid lights. I was feeling nauseous. I was scared that I had finally gotten covid (even though I never leave the house). I was afraid to look up my symptoms online because WebMD was going to tell me that I was having an aneurysm for sure.
And this isn't the only time I've had panic attacks along this journey.
A few months ago, I was scared to stop going for walks because I was convinced that I would get diabetes and die. I cried in the shower, apologizing to my body for not taking care of it. I cried because I was scared that my life was ending before it even began.
Years ago, I had a panic attack before I launched my website. It's still the same one, by the way. I was full on crying and breaking down before the launch. What if no one visits it?
Today, women from over 12 countries around the world have visited this website to receive empowerment, encouragement, and support.
The point is that... I freaked out. And it was normal.
Have you ever been scared like this? Have you ever been sure that you were going to fail? How did you respond? Did you give up and go back to your comfort zone? Did you lower your prices or stop applying to your dream jobs? Did you avoid working on your art or sharing your heart online? Did you start avoiding your dream?
If you did, that's okay. It's normal. And... it's by design.
It's what you brain wants you to do in those moments.
Not because your brain hates you... but because your brain wants to keep you safe. and alive. And your brain doesn't know that your next level of wealth is safe, yet. Your brain doesn't know that being loved is safe, yet.
This is why you can't give your power away to others. You can't rely on readings and messages of confirmation from external sources.
Because your brain doesn't give a fuck that a tarot reading (including the ones I've done) told you that it would be okay. Your brain doesn't care that another person is telling you that you're good enough.
Your brain doesn't give a shit about prophecy. Your brain cares about keeping you alive. And it's going to do everything in its power to make sure you stay safe. This includes scaring the shit out of you.
Your brain right now: is it me? Am I the drama?
Yes, baby girl. It is you. You are the drama. And I love you for it.
Because... if it were cavemen times... I would really need that protection. And if I were walking in a dark alleyway at night... I would really need that protection. And if I were in a really abusive relationship... I would really need that protection. And when I was in a really toxic environment at college... I really needed that protection.
So, I won't start a war against you, bookie.
But I will let you know when you're wrong. with love. and kindness and understanding and compassion.
You don't get to where you want to go because you have people telling you that you can. You don't reach your next level because external sources are telling you that it's coming.
You reach your next level because you're committed to reparenting yourself. You reach your next level because you are willing to keep showing up and communicating to yourself that it's going to be alright, and that you're doing it.
Deliberate co-creation is an inside job. Manifestation is an inside job. It's a collaboration between you and God. That's it.
Everything else is a cooperative component.
Let me repeat that.
Everything else is a cooperative component.
When I was freaking out the other night, I didn't run to someone else for them to tell me that I was going to be okay. I went inward.
Do I need to go to the hospital? I can if I need to. I tuned into myself and my body. I took deep breathes. What's going on beneath the fear. No. I'm alright. I'm just afraid.
I took nausea medication that helped. I took aspirin that worked just a little bit. I tuned into my body and let her lead. What do I need right now? Quiet. Rest. No lights. Lay in bed. No talking to anyone right now. No thinking about the future right now. just. rest. And I listened.
I took the day off from stories and posting and doing a million little things. I rested... and I still had the headache for several hours. I pulled a few oracle cards... and instead of just looking at the cards and moving on, I paused. I took deep breaths. I tuned in deeper to what was being told to me. I received the support from my own inner knowing.
At some point, I cried. I let it out. What are your worst fears? I'm scared of fucking it all up. Everyone is counting on me and there's all of this pressure, and if I make one mistake I could mess up my entire future and future generations. I held space for myself. I expressed my emotions and I cried and I prayed.
Sometimes, you just need to let it out instead of trying to keep it all in and at bay.
And as I started to feel better, less nauseas but still hurting in the head... I asked the version of myself who was already feeling better what she did. I took a shower.
And I don't know what it is about the magic of a shower... but that shit worked. I showered and I prayed. And I spoke life into myself.
Because at no point in this exchange was I genuinely available to play into the story that things might be getting worse. Never was I genuinely available to play into the unsupportive beliefs and fears that were coming up.
This is the importance of this work. Because I spend my time journaling, I spend my time going inward. I spend my time reassuring myself. I spend my time speaking life into myself.
And in times of distress, these patterns I have built up come in handy. I don't feed into the downward spiral. I embrace the feelings, and I flow with them, but I don't feed into them.
This is why you do this work. Because no one on the outside can save you. Because no one on the outside can think for you. No one on the outside can be optimistic for you. There is no message of hope that will resonate for you like the one coming from inside of you.
And when I was ready, I reached out to a mentor of mine, inside of a group program that I'm in. And she reminded me of this truth: how I'm feeling is normal. And my brain is just doing its best to keep me safe.
And God, that is so true.
Manifestation is an inside job, and having support from the right people can make a world of a difference. I don't run to external support first, anymore. I run to myself. I run to the versions of me who have it all. This builds my self trust.
But before I was running to myself... I was running to my mentor. And through journal prompts and eft tapping, I was directed back to self. again and again.
That's what a good coach does. She doesn't create a dynamic where you're dependent on her. She creates a dynamic where you keep going back to self. And now, my happiness and safety and security and wellbeing isn't reliant on someone else telling me that I'm going to be okay.
And I don't need someone outside of me to tell me that I'm not going to have a brain aneurysm. And I don't spend my time fighting against all of the fearful thoughts and sensations that come up in my body.
I know how to go inward. I know how to debunk my fears. I know how to tell supportive stories about God being on my side and things working out for me. I know how to be guided to my desires, by the versions of me who have what I want.
This is true freedom and empowerment.
My job is to guide you inward. My job is to help you to build that self trust. And I would love to support you in freeing yourself through my Next Level Mindset Mentorship.
When you join the Diamond Tier, you get 3 live calls with me, and fresh content each week, of every single month. During the second week of each month, you'll receive a digital journal with prompts made to uncover your unsupportive thoughts, to expand your mindset to get you thinking in alignment with your desires, and to empower you with new beliefs that affirm the power you have over your own reality. This is the tier for the woman who is serious about going deeper and growing stronger in her mindset than ever before.
At the end of the month, during our last call, I will share my answers to the journal prompts so that you can get a feel for how I'm thinking. This will help you to be inspired and tap into your own way of thinking at your next level. You'll also get the chance to share your answers to the journal prompts with me. You'll get my feedback and support. I'll cheer you on, hype you up, and point out any blindspots or help you relieve any feelings of frustrations that might come up for you during this process.
I wanted to create a tier of this program to get you more support while also fostering your independence and self reliance. My job is to back you up. Less like training wheels, and more like an adoring caregiver who's walking a few paces behind you on the bike. Because I trust you, and I know that you've got this. And sometimes, it helps to just have someone there to see you go.
The more you do this work, the easier it gets. To identify your fears. To shift to feelings of safety. To relax into your next level, in any aspect of life.
If The Next Level Mindset Mentorship is calling out to you, then I would love to connect with you in this program. I would love to pour into you and hold space and witness you pour into yourself. Having community as I've moved through this journey is something that has powerfully supported me in doing this internal work. There's something about other people being witness to and supportive of your dreams.
If you're ready to go inward, and take care of self like never before, then we're ready for you, too. If you're ready to move past those fears, then we're ready to support you, too. If you're ready to claim more for yourself, then we're ready to hold the vision of you succeeding as a community. Enrollment closes soon. Click the button below to learn more and join us. We begin work February 1st. I wouldn't wait.
I love you,
I'm cheering you on,
You've got this and it's safe to level up,
I pinky promise,
NathHughes
