Setting boundaries happens when you communicate your preferences, wants, and needs with others.
Healing is all fun and games [this is sarcasm] until you’ve got to start setting boundaries.
At some point, you’ve got to tell your mother to stop making hurtful and unhelpful comments about your body.
And you’ve got to tell your boss that you aren’t available to keep working overtime.
And you’ve got to tell your lover that you actually want a serious relationship.
When it’s time to set boundaries, fear can be a powerful argument against our boundary-setting.
Because what if they don’t respect our boundaries? What if they disagree with them completely? What if they get angry with us? What if they don’t want to be around us anymore?
The biggest thing to understand here is that: they might not.
They might not respond well to you setting your boundaries. They might not be happy that you aren’t available for what you’ve been accepting from them any longer. They might get upset when you clearly express new expectations for how you want to be treated.
And that’s okay.
Because your boundaries aren’t for them. Your boundaries are for you.
Your boundaries are the things that make you who you are. And when you act in alignment with your boundaries, you’re actively protecting your peace and wellbeing. That behavior leads to emotional fulfillment.
Communicating that you’re no longer available to commiserate and sulk in your past disappointments is a boundary. When you set that boundary, you’re defining yourself as someone committed to healing and moving on from the past, so that you can experience happiness and joy in this present moment.
Communicating that you actually enjoyed a certain movie in the presence of people who hated it is a boundary. When you set that boundary, you’re defining yourself as someone who enjoyed a certain movie; and as someone who is willing to be who they are, regardless of whether or not others agree. In that moment, you’re defining yourself as someone who accepts themselves and who doesn’t need the acceptance of everyone else in order to be happy. Of course, we all need and want community, but everyone doesn’t have to be a member of your community. Being honest about who you are makes it easier for your people to find you.
Setting boundaries can feel so difficult if you come from families where you are expected to conform to what they want you to do or say or be.
If you were picked on for how you speak or what your interests were… setting boundaries (which set you apart from everyone else) can trigger so much fear of being ostracized. Of course, nobody wants to feel neglected or hurt.
But here’s the thing: if you continue living life, ignoring who you are by ignoring your boundaries… you’re ostracizing yourself.
You’ll never know what it feels like to genuinely belong… Because although you might be surrounded by people, none of them will be seeing or loving the real you. So you’ll still feel lonely, regardless of who’s around.
That’s why I believe that it’s better to have no relationship than it is to have a relationship where your needs, wants, and preferences are discarded, overlooked, neglected, or disrespected.
This doesn’t mean that you’ll be doomed to live alone.
The people who leave your life because they aren’t willing to move in alignment with your boundaries are actually making room for your people.
Because there are people who will naturally align with your preferences and interests and desires. There are people in the world who will naturally be willing to shift how they show up and how they treat you in order to meet your mental and physical and spiritual needs.
Even though you might not believe it at first… your people are out there. There are people who will love you and who will honor what you need, feel, and prefer.
So, take this as your permission slip to start communicating your boundaries. Start telling people how you feel… and let them walk away if they can’t handle what you need from them. Let them walk away if they aren’t madly in love with who you truly are.
Because that’s what you deserve.
You deserve to be loved for who you truly are. You deserve to be celebrated and cared for and uplifted. You deserve to be seen. And that’s where a true feeling of belonging and acceptance is. You will only feel like you truly belong when you are giving people the opportunity to love the true you. And you only have access to that experience when you are willing to be your truest, most authentic self.
If you want to live an emotionally fulfilled life, you’ve got to be surrounded by people who see you and respect you. You’ve got to live with them. And to work with them. You’ve got to befriend them. You’ve got to become exclusively available for people who accept and respect you.
It’s about holding a standard for your quality of life. Anyone living around people who hurt them or disrespect them would be unhappy. Anyone pretending to be someone else in order to “keep the peace” would be unhappy. They’d be miserable. And no one should live like that. Nor do they have to.
So set the boundaries. And if they don’t like it… let them walk.
And if you’d like my help processing those relationships, energetically letting go of the people who no longer serve you, and calling in the people made to love you, then the “Love After Loss” Finding Your People After Heartbreak Course was made for you. This powerful course was made to help you process the pain of those breakups while preparing you for new, better feeling relationships of any kind. Learn more and enroll using the link below.
P.S. the Love After Loss course has had a bit of a makeover (it's better), and it's more focussed on romance, now. Still, it can help you transform your relationships in any area of life.
Thanks so much for reading this far! If you're new here, it's nice to meet you!
I'm Nathallie Hughes: a mindset, manifestation coach. I help women go from feeling powerless and insecure about themselves to feeling confident and empowered enough to create emotionally fulfilling lives! I'm so happy that you've found your way into my world. You're going to love it here.
As a gift, I'd love to offer you my "6 Steps from Stuck To Self Aware" Bundle! In this free bundle, you'll learn my signature 6 step process for identifying any limiting belief. It's a must have for your personal development collection; after all, we can't shift limiting beliefs that we don't know exist.
