Here's what I know for sure: the world wants to give you your desires. Actually, the world needs to give you your desires.
Let's talk about why.
How many people in the world aren't going after their goals and dreams? How many people in the world are talking about their desires... talking about that business that they want to start... talking about the vacation they want to go on... while simultaneously never following through? I'm sure you know people like that in your life. I know that I do.
How many people in the world are settling in their relationships? How many women are in relationships with men who don't respect them or care for them? I read a message from a woman who said that her husband laughed in her face when she told him that she was investing in a manifestation course. Yeah. You read that correctly. Her husband laughed in her face. Didn't even let her get the full sentence out before he put her down. And I've heard that story many times. I've heard instances of women delving further into manifestation, personal empowerment and development... and their significant others completely discounting their interests in these things. The part that always blows my mind, is that the discussion is always about "how do I continue to manifest even in the presence of someone who doesn't believe?" To be quite honest with you, it pisses me off. Because the real discussion should be around "why am I in a relationship with someone who would ever doubt my ability to be a capable, competent member of society?" Like????
It's one thing to have a difference in opinion. I don't believe that we should all be changing our beliefs so that they're uniform with everyone else's. I think it's okay to disagree. But what's never, ever okay is belittling another person just because you don't understand where they're coming from. And what's even more not-ever-okay is belittling your spouse. How many women in the world are in relationships with men who constantly discredit their genius, other their wit? How many women in the world are in relationships with men who talk down to them, and who secretly don't want their wives to be more successful? And how many women in the world have such low self worth that they don't even recognize these patterns as serious problems their relationships?
Listen, my husband doesn't have to agree with everything I do... or how I invest in my own personal growth/development. But I would never be in a relationship with a man who would laugh in my face when I told him that I was taking action towards bettering my life... and his by association! Actually, I have to take a portion of what I said back.
I have dated men who belittled me. So I know how it feels. It fucking sucks. And I thank God every day that I know better. I know that I deserve better. I know that I get to have better. And I have a relationship with myself emotionally where I can acknowledge the fact that it feels like complete and utter shit to be in a relationship with a man who doesn't respect you. But how many women in the world aren't listening to themselves? How many of us don't pay attention to how men make us feel with their actions and their words... because we're too busy trying to convince them that we're worthy of love [by nitpicking our appearances and overanalyzing our text messages] in an effort to stop them from abandoning us???
You know... like in Beyonce's hit song Why Don't You Love Me! In the song, she's listing all of the things that make her "wifey" material like her style, and her looks, and her intelligence... But never in the song does she focus on the fact that his actions (the man who isn't loving her) make her feel inadequate and unworthy of love. Sure, in the end she says, "maybe you're just not the one... or maybe you're just plain... dumb" but that's not the point.
The point is that, as women, we internalize all of these bullshit, unsupportive behaviors to mean something is wrong with us. We ask ourselves how can we change? We ask ourselves, how can we show up differently in order to get a different result? When in reality, what we need to be asking ourselves is where the fuck can we find better lovers? We need to be asking ourselves how the fuck can we create environments of safety and security where we are uplifted and respected and loved?
But that's not what happens when we feel unworthy of love. That's not what happens when we're raised in a world that is always pointing out our "flaws", then treating us like shit and telling us that our flaws are the reason why they treated us that way. That's not what happens when we're raised to believe that it's acceptable to treat us poorly if we aren't meeting someone else's standards [our mom's, society's, western beauty's, school's, etc].
It's just a blatant lack of accountability, really.
Because the truth isn't that people treated you like shit because you were overweight. The truth is that people treated you like shit because they lacked compassion, understanding, and care for the emotional and psychological consequences that their actions would have on you. The truth is that they lacked compassion, understanding, and care for the emotional and psychological consequences that their actions would have on themselves, too. The truth is that there is a willingness to suffer that is rampant within the world. And that's what the topic of today's post is about.
Let's keep using the "my husband laughs in my face" example to make our point.
A number of women inside of these groups will gather around and share advice... telling the women in these wildly unsupportive relationships that they should just "ignore the negativity" and "just keep doing the work on their own".
And it's not that the advice is wrong... it's just missing one huge component:
Women with self worth don't allow themselves to be disrespected. Women with self worth don't stay in relationships where their partners laugh in their faces during a disagreement. Women with self worth don't stay in jobs where their talents are overlooked and ignored. Women with self worth don't stay in environments where their needs aren't being met.
And being loved and seen and respected and nurtured are absolutely needs that should be met in every single environment you enter. Women with self worth understand and embody this. And they move accordingly.
It's not about convincing your husband that manifestation can be real. It's not about proving your haters wrong. It's about releasing your willingness to stay in environments that make you feel like you have to fight against the normal, natural way of being in order to get towards your happiness and fulfillment. Because you don't deserve that.
It's not about them, it's about you. You deserve to be happy. and supported. and loved. and respected. and to have a partner who is at least willing to be curious and open minded about your newest self-development ventures... because he respects your decision-making skills; and if his wife, the love of his life, is into it... then there must be some truth in it, somehow, right?
The point of this example is that most women don't have self worth. Most women in the world don't think it's that big of a deal for their husbands to discredit them or to cut them down or to disrespect them. Most women think that it's normal for men to be unsupportive and mean. And that's why we need you to manifest your dream relationship.
Because it's time to change how we do relationships. It's time to change how we do life on earth. And right now, a majority of women are in these shitty relationships. But what happens when enough of us are being loved properly? What happens when millions of women are refusing to settle for less and are holding the vibration of strong, supportive, loving men? What happens when millions of women are in relationships with people who take care of them and who are ready, willing, and eager to meet their needs?
I'll tell you what happens.
We stop pretending that neglect and abuse in relationships are acceptable. We normalize being loved and cherished and supported in our partnerships. We normalize being women with strong senses of self worth who know that they deserve to be happy and supported. And when a majority of women in the world are being loved so properly that the idea of a man laughing in our faces in response to us going after a dream is absolutely absurd and preposterous... then we've made it. We'll have made it to a version of earth where women are seen and loved and cherished and protected. But it starts with us. Individually.
It starts with each of us choosing to rise up. It starts with each of us being willing to demand more... to expect more. And that takes bravery. We've got to be courageous enough to believe that supportive men do, in fact, exist. We've got to love ourselves enough to believe that those supportive men do, in fact, want to be in relationships with us... with women like us. loud women like us. fat women like us. black women like us. women. like. us.
And the shift happens internally, first. With our self worth. It happens when we know that we are important, significant members of this world who matter and belong. And when we know this... when we know it like we know our names or our birthdates or our birth charts... We help other women to know the same. And they want it, too.
Some of them are too afraid to admit it. Because they don't think that they can have it. They're afraid that the Prince Charming is reserved for feature films. They think that they'd die of embarrassment if their business failed. They're afraid to put themselves out there because it might not work for them and they think that entrepreneurship is risky. They think that this manifestation stuff is a whole bunch of mumbo jumbo and so they aren't willing to hear you speak about it. And no matter why they aren't going after their dreams... all of these women are suffering because of their limiting beliefs.
But when you show them... when you stand in your worthiness, and you call in your desires... you show them that something different is possible. By existing in your worthiness, you point out the fallacies in the arguments they've set in favor of their limitations.
Here's why the Universe wants you to receive: because when you allow God to show up for you... you simultaneously allow him to show the next woman what He'll do for her, too. And your job isn't to convince. You don't have to say a word. When you live it, and you know it... your energy is felt. When you establish your self worth, you take that energy every where that you go... and it spreads like a wildfire.
How many women do we need in positions of leadership, right here and right now? How many women do we need putting their families in safe, secure households, right here and right now? How many women do we need expecting more for themselves and future generations, right here and right now?
God is making a way for your desires to come into your life. God is making a way for the money and the love and the success and their recognition and the reward to come into your life. Because when you win, the world wins. And the world, collectively, needs women to win, right now.
In politics, we need women to win right now. In their careers and in their finances, we need women to win right now. For the advancement of the human species, we need women's minds and creativity and gifts to win right now. To keep the world inhabitable, we need women to win right now. We need emotional fulfillment to win. We need care and concern and respect to win, right here and right now.
And it starts with you. Woman by woman. Individual by individual. One person after another recognizing that they deserve to be happy. One of us after another opening up to receive more love and money and support will shift the entire world. Of course God is on your side, isn't that obvious? If you don't shift, that's one more person continuing to tell the same old story of unworthiness and pain and suffering. We need you to shift. We need you to heal. We need you to know that you are worthy of love. We need you to receive.
If you'd like to become more comfortable receiving, I've got a course that was made just for you. Inside, I show you how to assess your relationship with receiving and self care by reflecting on your childhood experience. Then, I teach you how to release the guilt and shame that you feel for having needs in the first place. Afterwards, you'll learn what it looks like to tell stories of unworthiness vs. stories of worthiness; and I'll show you how to do the latter. You'll also learn about what it means to love yourself and others, as a verb. You'll leave with an understanding of why it's only fair for you to receive from others; and there's lots of exercises for you to try, too.
Thanks so much for reading my blog. I'd love to know what you thought or if you were inspired by it! As a thank you for sticking with me through the entire post, I'd love to offer you my "6 Steps from Stuck To Self Aware" Bundle. In this free bundle, you'll learn my signature 6 step process for identifying any limiting belief. It's a must have for your personal development collection; after all, we can't shift limiting beliefs that we don't know exist.
Love you so much,
I'll talk to you in the next one,
NathHughes
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